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Deep Cover

I wasn’t going to write anything about Orlando. So often, when something brutal and devastating happens, the last thing I want to do is post about it, and mostly I don’t. And yet as I tab back and forth, social media to my manuscript to this window I’m typing in right now, I can’t stop thinking about something a friend said the other day, in comparing the ways we navigate our jobs and lives with respect to identity: “You’re in deep cover.” My Wikipedia entry notwithstanding, if you know me in my day-to-day life, my queerness is invisible unless I talk about it, and I don’t always talk about it.

But today I can’t not talk about it. I want you to know, whoever you are reading this, that I feel gutpunched, that I sent money to the Zebra Foundation as a small but hopefully useful action, that I listened to Nia King’s We Want the Airwaves podcast and read from The Collection: Short Fiction From The Transgender Vanguard and Glitter and Grit: Queer Performance from the Heels on Wheels Femme Galaxy and As The Crow Flies because I needed to experience queer voices, and that I’m trying to work on my own book-in-progress but I can’t stop thinking about all the voices that have been silenced.

Originally published at sararyan.com. You can comment here or there.

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
pameladean
Jun. 13th, 2016 04:24 am (UTC)
I hear you. My life makes me look straight, but I'm not. Mostly I listen. Mostly there aren't words. I'm supposed to be revising my book -- with two bisexual women in it, even -- and I just can't. I hope we can both work soon.

P.
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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